my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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