Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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