Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
