Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
