Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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