You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
