this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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