They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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