i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
