So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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