sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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