Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
