Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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