Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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