I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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