I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
