I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
