My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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