did you get engaged???
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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