thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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