Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
