My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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