Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
