those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
