is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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