DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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