mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
