Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So much rum. So many feels.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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