So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
