woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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