This house was built for laser tag.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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