could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
