it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
