: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize