just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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