I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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