I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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