I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
