I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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