I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize