i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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