There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
