You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sorry about my life...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
