so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize