Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think pants incapable of making pants work
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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