where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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