YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
