you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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