i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
