Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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