Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
