Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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