so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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