Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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