put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
