Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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