i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My bed smells like the plague
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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