if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
