If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
