you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nutella sex= disaster
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
