I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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