I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize