I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
