I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Did I show you my penis last night?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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