she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
