you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
