I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
