were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
