i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
