omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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