Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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