Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
