I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
