im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
