I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
