Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
