Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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