I look better un-naked...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
