Sponge bath it is.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
