Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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