its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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