Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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