she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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